Fear of Abandonment Quiz
The fear of abandonment is a feeling that is difficult to live with on a daily basis. Withdrawal, aggressiveness, anxiety… This fear ruins the relationships of those who suffer from it, whether they are lovers, friends, family members or professionals.
If you feel anxious about being alone, if you have a constant and unfounded fear of being left by your partner, if you find it difficult to build relationships and if you often feel betrayed, powerless and insecure, then you may suffer from fear of abandonment.
Where does the fear of abandonment come from?
The causes of the fear of abandonment depend on the history of each person. To identify them, it is often necessary to go back to childhood:
In other words, it may be related to a traumatic event, or experienced as such, which altered the relational balance of the child and gave rise to a feeling of instability followed by separation anxiety. For example:
-Lack of attention and affection.
-Physical or psychological abuse.
-The departure of a parent who does not give any more news after a divorce or a separation.
-The loss of a parent or relative.
If the child’s distress goes unnoticed, it can lead to guilt where they might think they are responsible for the situation or do not deserve to be loved. It is therefore essential to be attentive and to communicate.
This phenomenon can also be linked to relational traumas experienced in adulthood, such as a violent break-up with a friend or lover. Our psychological foundations are laid in childhood, but certain life events can destabilize them.
How to recognize a person with abandonment issues?
There are two profiles of people with abandonment problems: some enter into relationships, live in anguish and do not dare to end them. Others, on the other hand, are very conscious of their problem, even of its origin, and prefer to avoid or to disinvest quickly in relationships, in order not to take the risk of being left.
You wonder if this concerns you? Certain signs may alert you to this fact:
-Seeking to please others at all costs.
-Having dysfunctional or unbalanced relationships.
-Having difficulty trusting others and feel easily betrayed.
-Having difficulty maintaining long-term relationships and sometimes deliberately sabotage your relationships.
-Moving quickly from one relationship to another.
-Having a feeling of insecurity in your relationships.
-Feeling the necessity to be reassured.
-Wanting to control others, express jealousy or be possessive.
The consequences of fear of abandonment
The fear of abandonment has many repercussions on the lives of people with abandonment issues: low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, high anxiety (with all the physiological consequences), incessant doubts fed by fictitious catastrophic scenarios, a high reactivity to stress…
They constantly need to be reassured by the presence and love of the other person (emotional dependence), which can be difficult for others to deal with in terms of relationships. In some cases, this can turn into sick jealousy: the abandoned person can become controlling, or even turn into a tormentor and cause their partner to leave.
People who suffer from abandonment syndrome may also develop a greater susceptibility to addictions and depressive disorders, but also to eating disorders.
They also tend to forget themselves completely, as they devote all their energy to earning the esteem of the other person and making sure that they not leave them.
A person who is afraid of being abandoned can accept anything, including physical and psychological violence. Their emotional dependence makes them very vulnerable to manipulators.
How to get rid of the fear of abandonment?
Like any fear, it is necessary to confront it. To free oneself from the fear of abandonment is a long-term work.
We cannot wait for the other to reassure us permanently, it will not work, and the fear will not disappear by itself.
The first thing to do is to work on one’s self-confidence by learning to love oneself (strengths and weaknesses.)
This might also require a therapeutic follow-up to free oneself from the influence of the past and help your inner child. You must learn to love yourself, rediscover your qualities and passions. That’s the only way to overcome the abandonment, deception and betrayal feelings.
Several activities can also help to reconnect with oneself like physical and sports activities,
mindfulness meditation and deep breathing exercises.