What it is like to be non-binary?

A non-binary person will not choose to dress as a woman or as a man: they will act according to their choices, desires and vision.

It is also about questioning the part of acquired, education, inherited personality, and our way of being.

In what way are we the result of gendered expectations? The non-binary person acts by choice but also by feelings, because they do not recognize themselves in the two genders that society serves us – man or woman, or even in a mixture of both.

A little vocabulary about gender

Cisgender: refers to a person whose gender identity corresponds to their birth. It is the opposite of a transgender person, who does not feel in agreement with his or her biological identity.

Trans: refers to a person whose gender identity does not match their birth identity.

Non-binary: refers to a person whose gender identity does not fit into the male and female gender.  Enby (NB): enby means non-binary. The term is derived from the initials of non-binary, NB, which is therefore pronounced enby.

Gender fluid: a person whose gender oscillates between masculinity and femininity.

Queer: Designates today a movement, which fights against the norms of gender. By grafting itself to the acronym LGBTQ, the Q of Queer comes to represent the minorities of gender.

Non-binary people remain poorly understood

Despite the legal and social recognitions that are making their way, the non-binary experience remains invisible and poorly understood by the general public. It is known above all by those concerned, or who themselves have a non-binary relative.

Unless they are in a sensitive environment, non-binary people will have to take steps and come out themselves to be recognized.

The need for support

In this environment where it is difficult for non-binary people to speak out about their identity, it is important as a family member, partner, colleague or peer to affirm audible and active support for your non-binary loved one.

As an ally, you can show your support by:

-Respecting the choice of a new first name and pronouns (and correcting yourself if you make a mistake);

-Correcting colleagues or friends who make mistakes or refuse to behave properly;

-Offering moral support if they experience a bad situation;

-Offering to be by their side (physically or psychologically) when they come out;

-Agreeing to come out for them if they ask you to (e.g., when they don’t feel like coming out);

Just as there are an infinite number of ways to be female or male, each non-binary person will have a unique experience of their gender and will have a personal way of telling it.

A non-binary experience cannot be generalized, let alone the broad spectrum of non-binary identities.

Accepting the difference

It is not possible to put yourself in the shoes of someone who speaks a different language than you, or who has a different gender identity than you. However, this does not prevent you from living and sharing with them.

It’s the same principle for gender.

Learn to accept that it is impossible to fully put yourself in the shoes of a non-binary person if you are not non-binary yourself. This does not mean, however, that it is not possible to accept and support your non-binary loved ones.

Responding to a coming out

It is important to understand that coming out as non-binary is difficult: it is the culmination of much thought and a sign that your non-binary loved one trusts you.

Your non-binary friend, family member or colleague will need your support, especially during the announcement and during the first months after coming out. Their non-binary status does not erase the relationship you have built together, nor the commonalities that bring you together.

Their coming out is a sign of trust: consider this confidence as an opportunity to get to know them better and grow your relationship.

Thus, to pretend that nothing has happened and to continue to consider the person exactly as before, ignoring or crossing out their requests is a lack of respect.